You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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