he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
