I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
