Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i will never coherently bang her
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
