yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Semen is not good for contacts.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
