So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
