6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
