ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
