I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
