the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize