Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
