No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
