I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
