i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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