Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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