just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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