I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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