Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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