I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
