Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
