I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
you had me at cake vodka
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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