before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
