I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
