I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
