do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
cat food counts as protein by the way
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
