I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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