Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
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