I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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