I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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