You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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