i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
