i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
