the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
