i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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