they need to just BURY HIM!
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
