Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize