so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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