I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize