you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
