Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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