i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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