just come out here and I will go home with you...
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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