Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
