Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
