the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
We just shotgunned beers for America
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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