question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
