You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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