She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Randomize