one two three fourrrrnication!
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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