you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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