toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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