She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
