meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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