My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
