i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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