Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
