You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
