I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
