Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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