dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
