I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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