Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Cover your peen. We're going out.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
