When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
