went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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