How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
