I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
