I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
