its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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