In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
