birth control should be required to get into college
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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