This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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