she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize
