we have pet lesbian snakes
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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