Her vagina should come with caution tape.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize