She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
