i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
