he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
