When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
