just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
