Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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