I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
