Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
