Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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