Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
