So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
