do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
