4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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