yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
