Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
