Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
