I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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