I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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