can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
