I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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