What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Randomize
