Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
