3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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