God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
