He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
you never un-have a 4some
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
