I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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