Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
