I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
