What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
