That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
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